This is great fun.
The tragedy strikes in this when we are striving so hard to justify his questionable behavior with his "poor unfortunate" past or present that we shoo away his evil jerk flags that are waving so evidently in our face.
They say some people learn by banging their heads against the wall. Well, in that case, I kept banging mine after it split open sweetie. And these are seven flags that I have FINALLY come to look for in men. (Hallelujah!)
1. Homeboy insults his ex or his mother.
On a first, second, or third date? Really? Often we are so swayed by this guy "sharing his heart" with us that we forget a couple things: 1) He doesn't have a problem trash talking people that were once important to him and 2) He is probably blaming things on them and not taking responsibility for areas where he has gone wrong in relationships.
Think about your sleazy jerk-face of an ex who talked crap about you and put your new man from Heaven's face on him. This is what he will look like when he is talking to your friends about you in three months after your first fight.
If you think he won't do it to you, think again. Men are creatures of habit.
2. You are different religions and your religion is important to you.
Hear me out on this one. I suppose it only applies to people who intend on upholding whatever religious convictions they have. If this isn't you, skip ahead. But if it is listen up. Let's suppose you are Jewish. He is Muslim. Who converts? If you get married, what do you tell your kids? What do you do about holidays? IF you are dating someone in hoping to change their beliefs, shame on you. Dating is not intended for you to mold someone into you who want. You need to go to dating time-out.
3. He wants to be in a relationship after knowing you for two days.
Let me guess, he was swept away by your beauty, personality, and smarts? Or was it love at first sight?
No boo, he was swept away by his co-dependency. He does not want to be with you, he wants to be with any girl semi-attractive with a va-jay-jay. You are being just as desperate by jumping into a relationship without weighing it out and learning who he really is.
Be with someone because you truly like them, not because you like having a boyfriend.
And don't let some boy make you his girlfriend trophy. You deserve someone who cares about YOU. And we all know the true you doesn't come out until he has seen you without makeup, shaved legs, crying, yelling, and being goofy with friends and family.
4. He doesn't pay for dinner.
Haters, calm down. This is not about being a gold digger. Guys impress women they care about. If he is showing up without showering for the past three days and then doesn't offer to pay, you do not make him nervous. He doesn't feel the need to impress you or that you are worth pursuing or woo-ing.
If you had to waste money on your first few dates, do not waste any more money in gas on seeing this loser again.
5. He invades your privacy.
RUN AWAY. Do you think your pouty slap on the hand is any match for his jealous insecurity? The only thing you have taught him is to do it more subtly.
Character honey, character. Look behind those pathetic "I couldn't control myself because my ex cheated on me" excuses. He does not trust. He does not respect personal boundaries. He is willing to make you upset so that he can have the assurance and information he would like to know about you.
It was a mistake, and he really loves you though, right?
No, he loves himself and doesn't care if he has to invade your personal space to get self-satisfaction.
6. He can't cook.
Okay, so this is personal. I am amazing at making food inedible. I try to improve sometimes, and I have no doubt that I will try for someone I love. But God knows in the midst of me trying, we are going to need a backup. So I can't date any man who can't cook. If the relationship progresses to marriage and no one cooks, I am screwed. And I'm cranky when hungry.
Maybe you are good at cooking. But is there something you hope the man of your dreams can do? Wait for someone who can do it! You deserve it. Sometimes a red flag can be a semi-selfish red flag you would like to have.
Be with someone who meets your standards. Don't be with someone who can fit you into his, and you can sort-of and kind-of maybe mold him into yours.
7. You plan everything.
Unless you are crazy, controlling, and want a man whose personality resembles a little girl or is just a leech, wait for him to plan things.
If you know any guys at all, you know they call girls they like. They plan things to do because they want to see their potential goddess. Once dating for a little while, plan something sweet. But not until he has shown clear and unmistakable interest in you.
Accept that dating is a sort of game. And men like to pursue. So stop calling, texting, facebooking, and making plans with Mr. Doesn't Care.
I know there are many, many more.
To sum it up, this is what I have learned ladies: see a guy's actions as reflections of his character. We need to stop babying their poor lives and start seeing what their actions show about them.
As the old popular adage says "Actions speak louder than words". So listen as intently as possible, to avoid getting yourself into a mess.
Girl Power!
